Ashamed but thankful...

Hello Friends and Family!

Oh my it's been a long time since I posted anything.  Life with a little one is busy...doesn't leave a lot of time for blogging:)  A quick update before I get to the good stuff:)  Mason will be 7 months old this month!!!  WHOA!!!  He is doing so many new things...babbling, wanting to crawl, scooting, learning to sit up, eating baby food, rolling in all directions...etc.  He is so much fun and Bryan and I continue to be blessed by this little guy!  We are living in Sulphur Springs now!!!  We love being home...the Lord has definitely confirmed we made the right decision by coming back to our roots:) HA!  Bryan is busy during the week finishing his last semester of Law School!!!  He will graduate December 17th.  Oh one more thing....I ran a 5K!!!!!!  Yes, I am trying to become a runner!! HA!!

Ashamed but thankful...
For those of you who have not heard this story I am going to give you a brief version:)  When I was 32 weeks pregnant with Mason my body did not want to be pregnant anymore and I went into pre-term labor.  This was the start of many complications which ultimately led to my lungs filling up with fluid on both the inside and outside.  Due to the fact that I could not breathe anymore for myself or for Mason, my doctor decided to perform an emergency c-section.  Going into the OR we were not sure if my lungs would hold out or if Mason's lungs were developed enough to breath on his own.  Bryan had a moment alone with the Lord before all of this took place, in which he told me later, he completely surrendered Mason and I over to HIM.  He prayed the Lord would spare our lives but told Him he would praise Him still if he decided to take us home.

When Bryan first told me about this, I knew instantly my faith was not that strong because I don't think I could have prayed that prayer.  This was a defining moment for me because I realized how shallow my trust and faith in the Lord really was.  Since March 13, 2011 the Lord has been "performing surgery" on my heart.  I have a yearning to learn scripture and to understood His word on a deeper level.  I want my actions and my words to reflect Him.  I want people around me to see my love for the Lord. 

I been saved since I was 11 years old and this is the first time in my Christian walk that I have truly surrendered and given the Lord complete control over my life.  I am so ashamed of this and saddened that it took me 18 years to realize how much deeper my relationship with the Lord could be.  I am so thankful I serve a forgiving God who makes me worthy to be in His presence.  I am also thankful that through my husband's faith my own relationship with Jesus has been deepened.

I am so excited about this new place in my journey with the Lord that I want to tell everyone!!!  Thank you for reading this and I pray that it encourages you today!  Below are a few new pics of my little man:)

Love...Natalie

4 months!

Today my sweet Mason Greggory is 4 months old!  I cannot believe how fast they grow up...  At four months old, Mason weighs 14.2 pounds and is 24.5 inches long.  He can roll over from his tummy to his back, he can grab objects, he can laugh and smile, he can hold his head up much better than a month ago and he is sleeping in his room through the night.  I have a growing boy on my hands!

Our journey with Mason has been the most challenging yet most rewarding journey Bryan and I have ever been on.  Life becomes a balancing act...spending time with the Lord, spending time with Mason, spending time with Bryan, knowing when to worry and when to let it go, trying a new parenting skill only to realize it will never work and trying something else, knowing when to be protective and when to take a step back.  One think I can say for the last 4 months is Mason has brought me closer to the Lord.  His life alone is a testimony to God's mercy and faithfulness.  Bryan and I were talking the other night to our friend Gabe and we said Mason has only been with us for four months but we really can't remember life without him...it's as if he's always been with us.

I love you Mason.  I pray that you will one day accept Jesus as your personal savior and that you will be humble and always walk in truth knowing you are a child of the King.



Month One

Month Two

Month Three

Month Four



Growing...

"When you seek my face, put aside thoughts of everything else. I'm above all and in all..." -Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Lately it seems that the above quote is impossible for me to live out!!!  I have never done well with change!  Actually, it makes me extremely anxious and at times, insecure.  As excited as I am about moving back home, I am also nervous because it is yet another change.   In the past weeks I feel as if I have let my insecurities get the best of me.  My worries and thoughts about this change have been so selfish and petty at times.  However, the Lord is always faithful to remind me what is really important.

On Monday evening Bryan's Grandmother, Mrs.Pat White, lost her battle with cancer and went to be with the Lord.  Bryan and I have both lost our Grandmothers to this disease in the past six months.  As Bryan and I were driving to Mt. Vernon Monday evening we both prayed that through Memaw's death the Lord would be glorified and lives would be changed.  I cannot tell you how neat the past couple of days have been...I have grown closer and feel more connected to Bryan's family in a way that can only come from the Lord. 

As we celebrated Memaw's life on Thursday the message was so simple yet so profound...Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your life.  As I sat there and thought about my life and my walk with the Lord I realized how off task I have been lately.  I have been worrying about the most ridiculous things instead of waiting on the Lord.  He has a plan for me in Sulphur Springs...He has a plan to use me to further His kingdom and bring glory and honor to Him.  How easy it is to forget this and miss out on HIS plan because of my own selfish desires and insecurities.

I am so thankful for Bryan's MeMaw...she was a beautiful lady who had a gentle spirit and kind heart.  I am so thankful for her life and that the Lord used her as a testimony to HIS love even in her death.  What a joy it is to know that Bryan's Memaw and my Mimi are together with Jesus and completely healed and that we will both see them again!

A few favorites...

I got this idea from another blog that I follow so I am going to try it!!!  Below are a few of my random favorite things!!!!

1. I love this jewelry designer! Bryan bought me these  for Mother's Day!

2. This place has the best cookies ever! Cherry Chocolate Chip is the best!!! You can tast the butter:)

3. As long as we're on food this lady makes the most fabulous cakes!!! We use her all the time for celebrations...she made my wedding cake and my sisters!

4. I am really loving this skin care line!  I only use one of the day and night creams...it's a little pricey but I can so tell a difference in the texture of my skin...I get into good creams for your face!

5. I love love love this devotional book! 

6. This is the best radio station ever! I wish that the DFW area would pick up this station!  This is one good thing about OKC!

7. One of our favorite cities to visit is Boston. One of our favorite things to eat while we are there is a hot lobster roll from this place.

8. I want to be here!  We stayed in this hotel on our honeymoon!

9. I bought Bryan another pair of these boots for his birthday and he loves them!!!

10. I would love for Mason's room in our new house to look like this:)

Okay... I hope all my links work!!! That is all for now...my little man is waking up from his nap!!! 

The Ugliness of Comparison...

Hello Friends!

I know it's been forever since I have posted....we have been back and forth between OKC and Texas and staying very busy!  My little stinker will be 3 months old on Monday!!!!  It seems like yesterday that our daily routine consisted of 3 hour intervals between NICU visits.  Now we have a healthy, growing baby boy at home with us!!!  Thank you Lord for the blessing of Mason!

You're probably wondering why I chose the title for this blog...well, because I have discovered the truth about comparisons...it's ugly.  If you think about it we compare our lives constantly....and for what reason??  To make ourselves feel better or to remind ourselves of the things we want that we don't have.  No matter what the reason comparisons are ugly and bring out the selfishness in us all!

One of my sweet OKC friends told me this week (I was having a really rough day) that one of the downfalls of all parents is comparing our kids to other kids.  My son is only 3 months old and I am already doing this.  As most of you know Mason was 8 weeks early...according to his due date he is only a month old.  I had no idea what a difference there is between a term baby and one born early.  I have friends who had their babies after me and they are already holding their head up, laughing, sleeping through the night,  etc.  Mason is just not there yet...close...but not quite ready.

In the past couple of weeks I have caught my self becoming more and more anxious about what Mason is not doing compared to other babies...what a sin!!  First, I am not being thankful for my sweet, perfect, baby boy! Second, I am not trusting the Lord.  He created Mason and He has a plan for him that is far more perfect than mind. Lastly, I am comparing my baby to someone else's when the Lord created them all differently but all in His image.

I am turning over a new leaf as a Mommy...I'm sure I will be guilty of comparing Mason to someone else again but from now on I am going to pray that the Lord would help me recognize when I am doing this and let it be a way to trust and become more intimate in my walk with HIM.  I am so thankful to serve such a merciful and gracious God and I am so thankful for my 8 week early precious son that the Lord designed specifically for me:)

Love to all...Natalie

The Stars at Night are Big and Bright....

Hello Friends and Family!!!  Whew...it's been a while since I have posted because we have been in Texas for two weeks enjoying being so close to family and friends:)  Bryan had a two week break from school so we took full advantage and came home!!  Below are a few high points from our trip!

One of my best friends had a little girl a month after I had Mason.  They will grow up together in Sulphur Springs and they met for the first time last week.  This is a pic of the future Mr. and Mrs. Mason White...HA!HA!

Mason spent time with his Great Grandfather, Baba!

Mason was dedicated at SSFBC on Mother's Day!!

I celebrated my very first Mother's Day!

Abb graduated from Baylor as a Nurse Practitioner and will be working at Hopkins County Memorial Clinic!  We're so proud of Aunt Abb!

Our mailbox in Sulphur Springs!

The site of our future home in Sulphur Springs!!

Shots, Monitors, and Pants...

Today was a very eventful day!  First, we woke up and got ready for Mason's doctor's appt.  I decided to try something new today and put pants on him!!!!  They were a little big but sooooooo cute.  I think it's so funny to think this was the first time he had pants on... how many of you remember the first time you wore pants?  Below is a picture of our big boy outfit.

We had a doctors appt at 11:30 and this was the first time Mommy had to by herself...quite an ordeal when you have a diaper bag on one shoulder, a monitor bag on one shoulder, and the carseat on your arm.  We got a good report today... Mason weighs 8 pounds and 15 ounces...WOOHOO!!!  I have a growing boy on my hands.  We were unable to lose the monitor.  He must go 30 days without any recorded episodes.  However, Dr. Maschino said we didn't need to wear it during the day only at night or prolonged periods of sleep. Please pray for no episodes between now and May 25th:)  Mason also got three shots today and only cried for a second.  I am so proud of my little guy...he is growing and developing into such a strong baby! We give the Lord all the glory!

Going Home....

This past weekend was our first trip home as a family of three.  I use the word home because Sulphur Springs has always been where I call home but in a few months it's where we will all call home.  For those of you who did not know this, Bryan will graduate in December and join my Dad's law practice.  We are building a house right across the street from my parents.  For some of you this might be a death sentence...HA!!!  However, for us it is home.  I consider it a blessing that Mason will be across the street from his Grandparents and next door to his Aunt and Uncle.  When I think of home I don't think of Sulphur Springs...I think of wherever my parents and sister are located...they are my home and it just so happens we will all reside in the same town!

Bryan and I are so excited to raise Mason in Sulphur Springs.  We both loved growing up in a small town and feel a complete peace that this is where the Lord wants our family.  Last Saturday night we took the four-wheeler to go look at our land right before the sun went down...we both thought you definitely could not do this in the city.  We are so excited for this next journey in our lives.

Below are some of our favorite people who will be apart of Mason's life as he grows up in Sulphur Springs and who met him for the first time over Easter!

Below is a our first Easter picture as a family!

JOY and Daddy G...

Daddy G is now what my Dad refers to himself as:)   I have been fortunate enough to grow up with a Father who got it all right.... 1. He loves the Lord more than anything in His life. 2. He loves his family second more than anything in His life. 3. He has gone ABOVE and BEYOND to provide for all of us abundantly. 4. He raised His children in truth and taught us from a young age who Jesus was and the sacrifice He made for our lives. 

For people that know my Dad it won't come as a schock to you when I describe him as high strung!  Somewhere along the journey of being a Dad, a husband, a son,  a businessman, etc. my Dad became extremely high strung!!!!  In the past few years I have seen his stress level reach all time highs!  My prayer for him, literally for a couple of years, is that he would find something that would bring him total joy.  Now, don't get me wrong...I know that we bring him joy...but I wanted something for him that would help him forget about the demands upon him and have a calming effect on him...something that would bring him pure joy and peace.

Who knew that prayer would be answered in the form of a baby boy named Mason Greggory White.  Mason has changed my Dad and it's so wonderful to watch the two of them together.  I am so thankful that Mason will have the same godly influence in his life that I have had for 29 years!  I am also thankful that Daddy G found another source of joy in his life!

Thankful for the little things...

Mason and I went for a walk at Lake Hefner today because the weather is wonderful!!!  As I was walking I felt like the Lord convicted me a little... Since my Mom left to go back home I count down the days until the next time she will be here.  I have felt a little lonely during the day while Bryan is at school...I am so ready to back in Texas and close to family. 

However, today as I was walking I felt like the Lord was saying be thankful for what is right here right now.  So....here are 10 things about being in OKC that I am thankful for today.

1. I am thankful that there is a place like Lake Hefner to take a walk with my baby.
2. I am thankful for the nurses and doctors at Integris Baptist Medical Center.
3. I am thankful for the sweet OKC friends who supplied us with meals for almost three weeks!
4. I am thankful Cuppies and Joe...my favorite cupcake place:)
5. I am thankful for the time Bryan and I have had away from family to establish our marriage and figure out this parenting thing!:)
6. I am thankful that moving to OKC has strengthened my faith.
7. I am thankful for Dr. Huff.
8. I am thankful that OKC is only four hours away from SS.
9. I am thankful for Henderson Hills Baptist Church and the Humphreys Flock!
10.  I am thankful for my sweet students at Deer Creek!

Below are a few pics of our walk:)

3 Generations...

Bryan's Dad and Stepmom came to visit Mason this past weekend.  This was the first time they were able to hold him because he was in the NICU the last time they were here.  Mason is one lucky little boy to have so many Grandparents that love him so much!  Below are a few pics of all the White men! HA!

"Grump" and Mason!

Three Generations!

Aunt Abb and Mr. Mason...

My sweet sister, Abbey, flew up to OKC today to spend time with us until Saturday.  I don't know how many of you are blessed to have a sibling but it's the best thing in the world.  Abb is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without her.  I am so very thankful that she will be a HUGE part of Mason's life.  Below are a few sweet moments I captured of her visit...

Two peas in a pod...

While we were in the NICU the Lord blessed us with a sweet family right next door to Mason's room.  Their baby, Mr. Denton, was born at 29 weeks and he got to go home three days after we did.  I will forever be grateful for how sweet his momma has been to me during this journey.  She has had a huge impact on me both as a christian woman and as a mommy. 

We had a playdate today with the boys and their monitors:)  HA!  It was really more of a sleep date for them and a time where Daysha and I could talk!  It was so good for me to get out of the house with Mason.  Below are a few pics of the boys!

29 and Holding...

What a blessed birthday I have had!  My first one with my little guy!  Mason is definitely the best birthday present I have ever had:)

Honey and Daddy G, also known as Mom and Dad, came to OKC yesterday to celebrate with us.  We had dinner at Cheesecake Factory and then came home for homemade birthday cake and coffee. 

This morning I was able to get a much needed massage compliments of my two guys!!!  When I came home from my massage I had 29 cupcakes waiting for me...also compliments of my two guys!  Bryan is one and a million...so thankful for my sweet husband! 

As I was driving to my massage this morning I was listening to a local christian radio station.  The DJ was talking about peace.  She said having the peace of the Lord is so hard to explain... she went on to say that it's a peace that you can feel when you shouldn't feel peace at all.  She also said unless you know Jesus you will never be able to experience this kind of peace in your life.  As I celebrate 29 years of life today, I am so thankful that since my 11th birthday I have been able to experience this kind of peace day after day! 

New Beginnings...

Today is my first blog post ever!!!  I have been inspired by so many of you who blog that I thought I would try it out myself.  I pray that you will be encouraged and blessed by the following story...

On March 13, 2011 Bryan and I were blessed beyond belief by the birth of our son, Mason Greggory White.  Mason was scheduled to be here on May 5th but the Lord had other plans...BIG plans!  On March 9th, at just 32 weeks,  I started experienceing  pre-term labor.  What started out as mild contractions turned into severe pregnancy complications that ultimately placed Mason and I in danger.  I developed Pulmonary Edema, which is where your lungs fill up with fluid.  My lungs were 80% full of fluid and I was unable to breathe on my own without oxygen.  On the morning of March 13th I was one step away from being on a ventilator.  At this point it was safer for Mason and for me to go ahead and have an emergency c-section.

As the doctors explained to Bryan and I the risks of me undergoing this type of surgery with my oxygen levels being so low we began to realize the seioursness of the situation.  As if we were not scared enough, the doctors made Bryan sign off for me to get a central line in case my lungs collapsed.  A central line would allow them to get medicine directly to my heart. You can imagine how we were both feeling at this point.I don't think you're supposed to experience things like this until you have been married for at least 30 or 40 years. HA!

Despite how fearful we were the Lord was at work in a might way!!! I would like to share a few personal moments that occurred before I went into surgery.  The doctors told me that in order to not wake up on a ventilator I had to breathe on my own for about 20 minutes...not knowing if I could do this and on the verge of completely breaking down I heard the Lord's voice among many other voices in my crowded ICU room.  He said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness..."-2 Corinthians 12:9.  This became the verse that I repeated over and over in the OR.  Bryan had a moment alone before he entered the OR as well.   He shared with me that while he was praying he felt an overwhelming feeling to just surrender.  At that moment he said he surrendered Mason and I completely to the Lord and felt an amazing peace. 

At exactly 10:51, I delivered a 6 pound 5 ounce baby boy while breathing for 20 minutes on my own.  The Lord is always faithful!!  Due to the severity of this situation, my doctor has advised me that it would probably be extremely risky for me to get pregnant again.  The Lord has spoken to our hearts for a long time about adoption and this just confirmed that the Lord is present and working in our lives.  He gave us a precious gift by allowing us to have Mason and now we will have the opportunity, hopefully, to glorify him through adoption.

Even though this journey has been hard, Bryan and I are so grateful because we saw the Lord move and work in our lives in a mighty way.  He has given us a whole new direction and path and we will be forever grateful!

This is my favorite picture of him from the hospital.  He was free of all IV's and feeding tubes and he looks so peaceful...finally!!

Finally home as a family of 3:)

Spending time with Honey and Daddy G:)